Getting to Know You

It's the beginning of the school year and I am enjoying getting to know my new kindergartners.  Today one boy said to me, "Do you know my mama?"

"No, I don't," I said.

"Her name is Keshia," he said, "and you spell it 'M-A-M-A'."

New Vocabulary

Back in one of my first couple years of teaching I had a kindergartener come up to me and tell me he liked my nipples.  I was wearing a thick sweater, but I did a quick check anyway.  No nipples that I could see.

"You like my WHAT?" I asked.

"You're nipples!" he answered.  Then he pointed to his cheeks and said, "See, I have them, too!"

"Uh, I think you mean 'DIMPLES!'"

Skin Color

I had a third grade class that was doing a project where they had to trace their hands, find a crayon that matched their skin color, and color them in.

After a while one of the boys came over to me looking very upset as the other kids at his table looked on laughing.

He asked, "Mrs. B, do these brown hands look green to you?"

Sure enough, his hands were colored in bright green.  And after I composed myself, that was when I taught the kids about color blindness.

Self-Esteem

My students are assigned a seat at a specific table.  One day I had a fourth grade class working on a project and at the start of class, there were six students sitting at the red table.  As I was walking around the room, I noticed that the kids were one-by-one scooting their chairs over to sit at a different table.  I asked the latest kid to move why everyone was vacating the red table, and she responded, "It's because of Jalen!  He won't stop singing and no one can concentrate."

By the time I made it to the red table, everyone had moved away except for Jalen.  I said, "Jalen, do you know why all of the other people at this table moved?"
"Yes," he replied, "it's because they asked me to stop singing but I kept on doing it."
"Well, do you want to sit by yourself?" I asked.
"No," he answered.
"Well, then why did you keep singing after everyone asked you to stop?" I wondered.

"Because!  I have the most beautiful voice!"

Security Check

One year we had a really rough fifth grader who was often in trouble and had a history of stealing.  One day while I was on morning duty and greeting the kids as they came to school, he arrived with a locked briefcase.  Keep in mind, this child never did homework so he didn't even carry a backpack.  I was obviously suspicious.

"Justin, what's in the briefcase?"  I asked him.
"It's private," he answered.
I immediately worried that I was dealing with something serious here.  "Well, I'm gonna need to see inside it," I told him.  I thought he would be upset at this, but he seemed to be okay with revealing its contents to me.
"Fine.  But I have to unlock it."

I waited as he entered the combination.  I was sure there was a knife or a toy gun, or some other banned object inside.

He opened the lid and turned the briefcase toward me.  Inside was a bottle of Axe body spray and a bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos.  I tried my very hardest not to laugh but I just couldn't contain myself.  I managed to tell him to have a nice day and he locked his briefcase back up and was on his way.

Double Trouble

The wall between our hallway and our office is glass, so when you walk by you can always see who is seated in the chairs waiting to talk to the principal.  When we send our trouble-makers to the office, they have to take a referral form explaining why they are being sent there.

One day I was walking down the hallway and I saw Trevor, a second grader who was no stranger to the principal's office, seated in one of the chairs with his back to the glass wall.  I had almost passed him when I noticed that he had twisted his arm backward and was holding his referral form against the glass.  When I looked closer, I saw what he was trying to share with the people passing by.  On the back of the referral in big letters he had written "F U * K".

I went into the office trying not to laugh, snatched his referral form, put an asterisk under what his teacher wrote and added, "See reverse".  Still trying not to smile, I could only give him my best angry face to which he replied, "So, I'm already in trouble!"

First Post!

I plan to post funny experiences I have with my students when they happen to me, or when I hear about them if they happen to co-workers.

Since there is still time before school starts this year, I decided to start with some of the memorable stories from the past.  Let me know if you remember a good one!